It’s a slow news week.
There hasn’t been a whole lot going on, whether it’s here at The Jambar, CNN or ABC; everybody’s scrounging the bottom of the barrel for stories.
For example, take CNN who aired a segment debating the authenticity of Cap’n Crunch’s rank.
Apparently, on the front of Cap’n Crunch boxes, the “Cap’n” has only three stripes on his sleeve, which indicates the rank of commander, one rank below captain. The official Cap’n Crunch Twitter page responded, calling the accusations “hearsay & misunderstandings” and claiming that his rank is instead obtained through his leadership of the S.S. Guppy and its crew.
CNN also announced that former union leader Jimmy Hoffa’s remains were not found on a farm in Oakland Township, Michigan, just outside of Detroit. Is anyone really surprised that a man who has been missing since 1975 still can’t be found, especially when many believe that the mob is involved? Even the Mythbusters followed a rumor that Hoffa was buried in the concrete of Giants Stadium, which was being built at the time of his disappearance, and found nothing. If they can’t find his body, who can?
Even ABC was looking for something to take up space when it ran a story on Tuesday about an Alaskan man who, while under the influence of alcohol, fed a wild bear meat he took from a church barbecue and then got mauled. According to ABC, there were not witnesses, although the man did survive and was issued a $310 fine for feeding wildlife, which is a crime in Alaska.
Here at The Jambar, we’re not into the whole “publish it because it’s news” thing. Instead, we’ve come up with other ways to pass the time. For example, last week we came up with an idea for a web series called “The Basement”. It’s pretty much “The Office”, but with Jambar staff and no one as funny as Steve Carell. We’re not sure it will ever get made, in fact, it probably won’t. But, hey, if we ever get a really slow news week, we can work on our show.